Thursday, July 2, 2009

i know what you mean about being a mommy but be careful you dont want what happened to me and jon to happen to you .. we felt totally and completly ready to be parents and god flat out told us NO. i know its hard to wait its even harder for me having lost lairah .. not a day goes by that i dont imagine my life as her mother and the only thing keeping me strong is knowing that it all had to happen for a reason, maybe one day my other dauthger will go through this and ill be able to help her or maybe a close friend. i still dont know why god did this to me but i have fait that he wouldnt have done it unless he had a damn good reason!maybe there are other things im supposed to do first or something im supposed to learn .. though we are trying again were unsuccessfull so we have left it in the hads of god. its too depressing to expetct being pregnant every month and then be dissapointed when i get my period. and who knows i could be pregnant right no.. im letting god take care of it. i dont believe in birth control anymore! its not my place to make or take a baby from this world . if god wants us to have 45678 kids then i will lol well maybe not that many but you know what i mean. and if we dont have any biologically then maybe got put me on this earth to help a child in need. i have realized alot lately that i need to just stop stressing and pray.. though im not part of any organized religion i do believe in god or .. goddess. and i know im here for a reason. i love you be patient. and if i have a baby you can come and borrow him/her whenever u want! lol

Written on 12:32 PM