Friends Are Forever

Friday, June 26, 2009

this is one of my favorite qoutes and wanted to share it with you. i have been living off of it for the past 2 weeks, and well it means a lot to me. i hope you can find meaning to it in your life

"You have brains in your head.You have feet in your shoes.You can steer yourselfany direction you choose.You're on your own.And you know what you know.And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go."

<3>

Written on 12:03 PM

Thursday, June 25, 2009

this could be consuing but here is what is in my head right now!
Sometimes i just dont know what to dothe ball is back in my qourtthere is no way this will end with my heart in one peice.i dont know what to doi dont know what to saythere is nothing i can sayi cant take much more of these anxity attacksthese brakedownsthese pains this skakingthis forcing myself to eat of not eati need an answer .. either A or B ... there is no option Cwhy cant i get a stright answer from my heavenly father.i just dont know what to do or how to handle this.i cant tell him certine things bc i feel like its not my place to say those things. so i bite my toungeidky but i care so much and cant stop myselfhow can i do something that is the opposite of the answer that the lord is giving meidk what to doi just cant do anything.i cant make the movei want to give the ball back to him but he keeps tossing it right back at me.it is not my choice to makei dont want to be the one to end it alli cant hurt anyonei know what heavenly father keeps sayingi know what he could do when he goes back homei dont know what i am going to dosomething could happenit is all just up thereand i have no clue what to dobc the lord isnt tell me what to doi keep getting the same thing i have been getting for the last, what, month now.my life is a messschool stress isnt helping anythingim going to the temple on saturday and doing family names. and, see if i can get better reception there ... what makes me think the lord will change his mind after giving me an answer .. does he do that? idkall i can do is keep praying.

so you asked a million and 7 questions
I have prayed about mike. I have gotten my answer saying yes, go for him. Lacie you know me better then anyone .. I have seen myself marrying him, I know that he could be one of the guys that i can marry and life will be good. But right now we both just dont know what to do. he doesnt do long distant, and nither do it but this is the first guy i considered it with. He has in the past when the girl is not there made mistakes with other girls. Satin knows his weakness and always cant withstand it. I have seen many different sides of him. Yes he has a past but deep down he is a good guy. I know he is. I can tell things like that about people, you know i can, i can take the worst person ever and find the good in them. Lacie you should know me better then that, i dont rush into ANYTHING!
I am as well done being hurt. i am trying figuare out how to get out of this without getting hurt but i cant seem to find it.
I know that mike has things in his life that are a mess. He is going through some major things right now and all i can do is stand back and watch. Sometime i consider going home and staying there. I have highly considered you invitation to move in with you guys at some point if that offer still stands whenever that may be.
I have those dreams as well. I almost stole a kid today. ok not steal, but he was just walking around alone bc he was ahead of his dad and he was sooooo cute i wanted him. I feel like i am ready to be a mommy. i have felt done with this part of my life for a while. and the lord has kinda told me yea, your done, your ready to move on. me and heavenly father have been talking a lot this year. I thought we had it all figuared it out till mike and i kinda turned into a mess.
I know that when the semester ends, and the next time i see mike, if we are both single, we will try again.
he is the one not getting answers. i know why he is not getting answers. but i cant tell him. he isnt doing everything he is supposed to. he told me that he messed up the other day. He didnt tell me what he did but that he did. my mind went off to what he could of done and my hopes were 1 or both of 2 things. i didnt ask what he did, but guessed.
thats why he keeps praying and is getting static from heavely father. this is the first time that he has not gotten a YES or NO, he has nothing.
so my YES is nothing without him getting an answer. I dont think the ball should be in my qourt. but i am going to keep praying and if heavely father keeps telling me that mike is what i need i might loose it bc mike isnt getting any answer so i cant do anything.

Lacie...do i take my key back? do i give him back the knot? how do i take my key back? its not mine to take back...lacie after me saying all this what is your best friend adivce? i need you more then ever right now.

i love you more then life itself!

Written on 9:08 PM

ERIN!-
this is nifty!!!!!!!!!!
well whats all going on with Mike? y do you have to be the one to make the decision?? Is he really willing to move to be with you or you to be with him if it gets that serious... do you love him? would you marry him and want to have children with him? is he a good stable support for you spiritually and emotionally? these are all the things you have to concider. i dont mean to sound all anti mormon or anything.. but in your religion things move fast and you have to be ready for anything in a exclusive relationship. i want the best for you always and i hope that things will work out for you. i hate seeing you hurt and it makes me mad that these guys keep doing this to you up there. i wish you could just come home forever and forever and ever and ever and always forever lol. i hope that one day you marry a great mormon man and i cant corrupt the both of you lol we can both have babys and then go on family picknicks!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!lol sorry i got carried away...

well i cant wait to see you .. it feels like its soooo far away. but i know that it will come sooner than i think.
i cant wait to go to la.. theres a book im looking for.. you wouldnt approve but i am curious and i need to find it.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO0OOOO MUCH
lol
ps.. .. Carol and i found some old pics of mr.sparkles!!! the bear not the actuall guy.. lol ill ask carol if i can upload them .. lol

Written on 8:51 PM

Hello there love.
I hope you have been having a great day.
Thinking of you a lot.
I have been more the stressed out lately.
I just can't wait till you are here and take me home.
I am so ready to go home.

I don't know what to do. About Mike. We have hit some rough patches and we cant move ... There is nothing for me but to get hurt. He put the ball in my qourt ... I am the one who has to make a decision. I don't know what to do. I wish you were here with me.

Written on 6:17 PM